


Crescendo

by angrytourist



Series: complex anatomy [6]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubious Consent, Gen, M/M, Non-Consensual Somnophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 17:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2158545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrytourist/pseuds/angrytourist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki grabbed his hand and pulled him up, letting Tsukiyama lean against him. There wasn’t another option. They had to hunt, to eat - and Kaneki had to be the one to provide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crescendo

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for all the comments/kudos, and thanks for reading :)

Tsukiyama didn’t return that night. Or the next morning. Kaneki read the note every time he walked past the door like he expected it to say something different. But the message didn’t change. The clock kept ticking.

Kaneki went to sleep the second night without any answers, surprised how alone he felt.

There was a clock on the wall of the guestroom, tacky and out of place with the elegance of the rest of the house. It was a glow in the dark space-themed clock. Whenever Kaneki woke up during the night, it unfailingly drew his eye to it before he faded off to sleep again. That night he woke up to the sound of scratching and grunting, like a dog wanting inside. Kaneki drowsily looked at the clock and saw that it was just past three in the morning. He closed his eyes again. 

The sound didn’t stop.

This time, a loud thump, a fist beating against something solid. Kaneki blinked, stirring slightly, and nearly went back to sleep. 

Another thump. Kaneki’s eyes snapped open. He remembered where he was and who he was waiting for, and dread pooled in his gut. 

He thought briefly of searching for a weapon before remembering himself. His kagune sliding out, a comfort for his worn mind, and Kaneki left the guestroom, creeping down the hall. Another bang, this time louder. It wasn’t the front door.

It was the door to the tunnels.

Tsukiyama told him all the ghouls knew about the tunnels and used them to get away quick after a hunt or for a safe place to hide if they’d been exposed somehow.

The thumping continued, frantic. Kaneki approached the door, pressing an ear against it. 

The thumping stopped. Then, a slurred voice spoke: “K’neki?”

Kaneki jerked back. He knew that voice. “Tsukiyama? What are you doing?”

Tsukiyama groaned, a low pained sound. The thumping didn’t continue. 

Kaneki tried the door, but then he remembered. “You locked it,” he said. “Where’s the key?” No response came aside from the sound of Tsukiyama’s shallow breathing.

He was hurt. That much was clear, but Kaneki didn’t know how to get to him. In fact, the only thing he could think of was--

“If you can,” Kaneki said, raising his voice, “stand back!”

His kagune moved, one arm of it bracing against the wall and another gripping the knob. All he did was exert just the barest hint of force, and the entire door ripped off its hinges. He leaned it against the wall and just managed to catch Tsukiyama before he collapsed back down the stairs.

“What happened?” Kaneki asked, panicked. Tsukiyama was bleeding heavily from somewhere, his body crumpled. 

His right arm was _gone_.

“Tsukiyama? Tsukiyama!” Kaneki shook him. Tsukiyama wasn’t unconscious, but he wasn’t responding, his head rolling back and forth, unsupported. He didn’t seem to be healing.

Food. Tsukiyama needed to eat.

Kaneki dragged him into the kitchen, sitting him on the floor in the corner between two counters, as he went to the fridge. If Tsukiyama died, Kaneki would be without any support. He wouldn’t have a single connection to the ghoul world or a way of eating. If Tsukiyama died, the chances were good that Kaneki would follow.

There wasn’t much meat on hand. Tsukiyama liked to eat fresh, keeping reserves mostly for Kaneki-related emergencies, as he called them. In the future, Kaneki would make sure their stock wasn’t so sparse.

Tsukiyama was still conscious enough that when Kaneki put the first piece of meat in his mouth, he instinctually began to chew. It was raw and messy, and blood and pieces of partially chewed meat kept spilling out of his mouth for Kaneki to pick up. 

“Snap out of it!” Yelling wasn’t going to make Tsukiyama heal any faster, but it sure made Kaneki feel better.

All that he’d found in the fridge had been a single tupperware, about the size of a shoebox, halfway filled with organs. Tsukiyama ate all of it before he regained awareness. His jaw clenched, and he grabbed Kaneki’s wrist as he went to stand and look for anything else that might be around. “Wait,” Tsukiyama rasped. He jerked Kaneki closer, pressing his nose to his forearm. “I’m so _hungry_.”

“I don’t know if there’s anything else,” Kaneki said, dropping back down to his knees. Tsukiyama was harmless like this, frenzied but too weak to attack - or even to get up and walk. “I don’t know what to do.”

Tsukiyama looked like he was dying. How much did it take to kill a ghoul? What had those doves done to that other ghoul? Nothing he’d ever read or heard discussed it, but Kaneki was afraid. If Tsukiyama died, he would lose his chance to adapt to this world. There wasn’t anyone else. 

He had _no one_.

“Let me eat.” Tsukiyama pulled him closer. “Kaneki-kun, _please_!” He sounded desperate, like for the first time all the winning cards were in someone else’s hand.

Kaneki… liked the sound of it. 

A weird rush at the thought of being the one in control sang through him. He tried to quash it, to tell himself he was doing this to secure his future, but the way his skin burned pleasantly under the force of Tsukiyama’s powerlessness spoke volumes.

“All right,” he said, eyes fixed on the way Tsukiyama’s face lit up. “Just a little.” And before Tsukiyama could make a choice, could even rip his eyes from Kaneki’s face, Kaneki added, “My arm. Just part of it. Don’t get carried away.”

“Yes, of course,” Tsukiyama said reverently, the words pressed into Kaneki’s wrist. “Anything--that’s perfect--” He closed his eyes and shuddered.

Kaneki sat down, pulling Tsukiyama between his spread legs. “Hurry up,” he said, trying to cover the anxiety he felt at the oncoming pain.

Tsukiyama nodded, though he didn’t seem to be paying any real attention to Kaneki’s words. Instead, he gently pressed Kaneki to the ground, mouthing along the underside of his arm. One of his knees pressed itself intimately against Kaneki’s crotch, the solid heat of it causing Kaneki’s body to react against his will. 

That small part of his mind, the one that had so often spoken up since the incident with Rize, wondered why he should bother moving at all. It didn’t have to hurt like before. Tsukiyama said.

“Kaneki-kun,” Tsukiyama sighed against his skin, his knee moving, slow and steady. Then his mouth traced a path up toward Kaneki’s shoulder, stopping against the middle of his upper arm. His knee moved faster, and his teeth bore down.

The pain hit him just like before, but tinged with a sweetness that wouldn’t let Kaneki’s mind focus. His eyes fluttered. Tsukiyama chewed with vigor, swallowing greedily. Kaneki’s eyes fell on the stump remaining of Tsukiyama’s other arm, blankly fixated on it.

Tsukiyama pulled away and took a deep, gasping breath. He turned red eyes on Kaneki, blood smeared over his lips and chin. “Thank you,” he said. “I’m so tired.” He slumped, his body collapsing on Kaneki’s.

For a moment, Kaneki did nothing. Tsukiyama’s body was warm and alive on top of him, his every breath and beat pressing against Kaneki’s chest. 

Kaneki closed his eyes. He was so hard. He just wanted--

Self-loathing a vague static in his periphery, Kaneki rolled them, putting Tsukiyama on his back. The bleeding from his arm had long stopped, the tissue rebuilding itself. Kaneki should have been relieved.

But his eyes were closed. He pressed against Tsukiyama’s thigh, every bit as hard and wanting as he was when the other was awake. Rolling his hips, Kaneki rutted against Tsukiyama’s thigh, panting, mumbling Tsukiyama’s name under his breath. He came harder than he ever had on his own, vision going white. His arms gave, and dropped onto Tsukiyama’s chest.

One deep breath, another, then Kaneki opened his eyes, _really_ opened them.

The inside of his pants felt gross, wet and rapidly cooling. Tsukiyama remained unconscious beneath him, breathing steadily but wheezing under Kaneki’s weight.

He sat back, scooting away from Tsukiyama’s body as shame made itself known.

xxx

Kaneki moved Tsukiyama to his room, cleaned the worst of his injuries, and shut the door behind him. He cleaned the kitchen and the trail of blood from the stairs. He showered, scrubbing until his skin went red, taking care to avoid the open wound on his arm. It was healing, though slowly. He wrapped it in clean bandages. 

Then he climbed into bed and slept.

He woke on and off through the remainder of the night, but eventually he crashed into a dreamless sleep that lasted until well after midday.

Tsukiyama was still sleeping, and for that, Kaneki was glad. He didn’t think he could stand seeing him, let alone look him in the eye. 

He shook with hunger, his body having healed the wound but at the expense of fully burning through everything he’d recently eaten. When he flexed his arm, the skin pulled, and it was pink and sensitive. 

Kaneki drank coffee and considered fixing the door, but he’d never been much of a handy-man. Short of taping it back into place, there wasn’t a whole lot he could do. But the open doorway felt like a threat. Kaneki kept an eye on it, expecting whoever had attacked Tsukiyama to come thundering through at any moment.

Tsukiyama, meanwhile, slept like the dead. Kaneki checked on him every so often through the day in case he’d died, but his breathing was steady, as was his pulse. He seemed to be healing. His arm had mostly grown back. It was sickening to look at: there was no obvious skin yet, just layers of tissue and muscle and vessels over bone. The skin itself was a fine layer, translucent and stretched tight to keep its contents in place. Kaneki hadn’t been able to stare at it for long.

He hadn’t been able to look at Tsukiyama as a whole for long.

Though a part of him wanted Tsukiyama to wake up quickly, to know that whatever happened wasn’t going to kill him, most of him cringed at the thought of facing him. Kaneki knew what he’d done - knew that he’d enjoyed it - and no longer felt that he held the moral high ground.

He couldn’t say he hadn’t wanted it.

Wanting Tsukiyama sickened him. The man was poison, and though Kaneki’s life was tied to his, it hadn’t been by choice, but rather by necessity. He’d stumbled into Tsukiyama’s life with great reluctance. It was fitting, then, that he should find himself equally unwillng to leave it.

A clatter startled him out of his thoughts. He’d been blankly staring at the open doorway leading to the stairs, but now he could hear Tsukiyama moving about in his room, cursing uncharacteristically.

“Tsukiyama?” he called out, staying just outside the room. “Are you all right?”

A pause. Then, “Kaneki-kun?” Tsukiyama sounded relieved. “You found me?”

Kaneki opened the door and stepped inside. Tsukiyama’s shirt was gone, and he was looking through his closet, leaning against the doorway to stay upright, his hair a tangled mess. “You kind of just showed up,” Kaneki corrected. “What happened?” He stared at Tsukiyama’s wall.

“Your friend,” Tsukiyama sneered the word, “Nishio, I believe? He’s out for your blood.” He paused to hold up a shirt. “What do you think of this?”

It was a metallic t-shirt. “It’s tacky,” Kaneki said, bluntly honest. “And what do you mean Nishio’s after me?”

“You outed him as a ghoul. Ring any bells?” Tsukiyama threw the shirt on the ground and went for another. “He’s had to go into hiding. He smelled you, so he attacked me. The doves interrupted.”

Kaneki’s blood ran cold. “You were attacked by doves?”

“Lower level ones. I killed one, your mean-spirited acquaintance offed the other, but not before he could radio in a report.” Tsukiyama grimaced. “They’ll be looking for us.”

“Were you wearing your mask?”

“I’m hardly an amateur,” Tsukiyama scoffed, then winced and grabbed his side. “I’m not healed, not all the way. I need to eat.”

Pain aside, Tsukiyama _looked_ like he needed to eat. His face was pale and gaunt, his cheeks hollowed. The dark bags under his eyes were especially pronounced the way he was staring into the closet like it had personally offended him.

“There’s nothing left in the house,” Kaneki said, tired. “And I barely healed after--” He stopped, swallowing. “After last night. I wouldn’t be able to heal or anything if you--again.”

Tsukiyama froze mid-grab, a shirt pulling from its hanger between his fingers. “That’s right. Last night.” He frowned, then grinned widely. “I’d thought it was a dream, but clearly your face says it all. I--” Realization struck him. “...fell asleep on you? _Merde _!”__

__“Passed out, actually,” Kaneki forced out, not wanting to address the topic. “We need to eat, both of us. We should--figure that out.” His stomach rumbled as he spoke, emphasizing the point._ _

__Tsukiyama let his full weight fall against the wall, and he slid down to sit on the floor. “I won’t be much help,” he said. “I can’t use my kagune. You’ll have to do it.”_ _

__“I’m not sure I can.” Kaneki tried to imagine killing a human again. All it did was kill his appetite._ _

__“You’ll have to.” Tsukiyama sounded so worn down that Kaneki expected he might collapse again. “Help me up,” he held out his hand. “We have to go.”_ _

__“You should probably get dressed first.”_ _

__Tsukiyama grabbed the first thing he could - the tacky metallic shirt - and slipped it over his head. “Now,” he said, holding out his hand again, “let’s go.” He looked impatient and irritated, something Kaneki wasn’t used to seeing Tsukiyama direct at him. Hunger frayed both their nerves, it seemed._ _

__Kaneki grabbed his hand and pulled him up, letting Tsukiyama lean against him. There wasn’t another option. They had to hunt, to eat - and Kaneki had to be the one to provide._ _

__xxx_ _

__Kaneki’s sense of time was completely screwed up. They’d gone down through the tunnels, not wanting to chance someone seeing them leave Tsukiyama’s house, and surfaced behind a flower store, the sight of the sun still up catching him off guard. Kaneki could smell a sweet fragrance as he lifted the manhole cover and pulled himself and Tsukiyama up. It was a good distraction from the aching in his muscles and the dizziness ringing in his ears. He hadn’t felt hunger this intense since before he started staying with Tsukiyama._ _

__“Should we just grab the first person we see?” It would be the easiest solution, but Kaneki was afraid he’d see a child run by, or someone he knew from school. Someone who looked vulnerable and had a long life ahead of them._ _

__“Absolutely not,” Tsukiyama snapped, grumpiness fully setting in. It would have been comical in a different situation. “I have standards to uphold.”_ _

__“Are you serious?” Kaneki shifted, redistributing Tsukiyama’s weight so they looked more casual, like Tsukiyama was just resting an arm over his shoulders like Hide used to do._ _

__They wandered around for quite some time before Kaneki figured out just how few cylinders Tsukiyama was firing on. He was relentless in dismissing people as food, even as he looked like he might collapse at any moment - from pain or hunger or both. Kaneki wanted to knock him unconscious. Tsukiyama’s snappishness rubbed him wrong._ _

__“What about her?” he suggested at a girl running past. It was a hopeless suggestion, but he’d remembered Tsukiyama talking about a jogger once._ _

__But Tsukiyama perked up, watching her glide by. “She has excellent form,” he praised. “Let’s kill her.”_ _

__Kaneki wanted to scream. “Really? Her? Are you sure?” He should have kept his mouth shut. The girl was young and pretty, probably a high school student, though she likely just looked young. It was still daylight, and school was undoubtedly still in session. He didn’t want to kill her._ _

__“Fast, too,” Tsukiyama observed. “Hurry or we’ll never catch her!”_ _

___No choice_ , Kaneki reminded himself. It was do or die. So he pulled Tsukiyama along, trying to outwardly express a sense of normalcy to the people around them that he no longer remembered the feeling of. As terrified as he was of killing anyone, he was equally afraid of whoever might want to kill him and Tsukiyama - Nishio, the CCG, other ghouls. No one felt safe, every face that passed by as big a threat as the one before._ _

__Luck was with them. The girl ran through the park, pausing in a deeper area with no one immediately around to stretch her muscles on a bench. She was wearing a visor to block the sun and couldn’t see them approaching._ _

__“Leave me here,” Tsukiyama instructed quietly, his eyes sharp. “Approach from behind. Use your kagune to break her neck. Do _not_ let her scream.” They were hunting in broad daylight. The risks were obvious._ _

__Kaneki tried to still his shaking hands, but his teeth took up chattering in their place, his body overflowing with anxious anticipation. He’d do it fast. She wouldn’t feel a thing._ _

__He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. She was looking at her phone, smiling. He took a step forward._ _

__He… couldn’t do it._ _

__“I don’t,” Kaneki licked his too dry lips, “I don’t think I can do it.”_ _

__“You have to,” Tsukiyama snapped, “or we’ll both die.”_ _

__And then something changed._ _

__Ghoul instincts were a mystery to Kaneki, but they hadn’t failed him yet. With Nishio, he’d known immediately something was wrong. He’d saved Hide._ _

__It was only that feeling that made him shove Tsukiyama to the ground._ _

__Bullets sang overhead, deafening. Kaneki’s ears rang when they finally stopped, blocking out whatever Tsukiyama was saying. It took a second, but:_ _

__“Doves.” Tsukiyama’s face was paper white. “We have to get out of here.” He didn’t need to say what would happen if any of them caught up to them in the state they were in._ _

__“We’ve been watching you, Gourmet,” a deep voice said, projecting through the still air. Kaneki recognized it immediately as one of the voices in the alley. This man had helped kill a ghoul that claimed to never harm humans._ _

__What would he do to a ghoul like Tsukiyama - or a ghoul associated with him?_ _

__“What do we do?” Kaneki hissed. He couldn’t get them up and run. They’d be spotted immediately, and there was no telling how many doves there were. Kaneki kept low among, dragging Tsukiyama along._ _

__“I can’t fight.” Tsukiyama looked almost frightened. Kaneki doubted he’d ever been so close to death. “You’ll--you have the best chance.”_ _

__Kaneki shook his head, pulling them behind a tree to get a good look around them before continuing. “Barely. I’m too hungry. I could use my kagune, but it would be weak.” Brittle, even. A regular bullet could shatter it, considering the state he was in._ _

__Tsukiyama worked his jaw, eyes darting around them. Then he closed his eyes and sighed. “I have an idea,” he said, reluctant. “You’re the best chance we have.”_ _

__“All right?” Kaneki was willing to try just about anything, the desire to live overpowering._ _

__“Eat,” Tsukiyama held up his arm, the one he’d barely managed to regrow. “Just enough to boost your speed. Get us out of here and find me something to eat. _Anything_ ,” and if that didn’t make Tsukiyama’s desperation obvious, nothing would._ _

__Someone was approaching them. Kaneki could just barely hear the sound of footsteps. Time was running out. “All right, fine, I’ll,” he swallowed. “I’ll get us out of here.”_ _

__“Promise,” Tsukiyama pressed. “You won’t let me die.”_ _

__“I promise,” Kaneki said, and just like that, he knew he would. He always kept his promises._ _

__Tsukiyama hissed when Kaneki bit in, but otherwise made no noise. Kaneki made it fast, biting down and tearing off a chunk, chewing only a few times before swallowing it. The change was quick. His dizziness faded, gone enough that carrying Tsukiyama out wouldn’t be a problem. He took off his shirt and quickly wrapped it around the wound on Tsukiyama’s arm, staunching the flow of blood. “I’ll get us out of here,” he said, confident. Tsukiyama grunted, eyes glazing over._ _

__Kaneki stood up, forsaking caution for speed. He grabbed Tsukiyama and stood him up, but before he could get him over his shoulder and run, Tsukiyama let out a pitiful, wet gurgle, and his eyes closed._ _

__“...Tsukiyama?”_ _

__The world slowed to a stop. Something dark and solid was sticking through Tsukiyama’s abdomen. It retracted slowly._ _

__Tsukiyama dropped to the ground, a dead weight._ _

__“Which of you is it?” The man who stepped out into view from the cover of trees was not the same one who’d spoken, his voice higher, older sounding. He looked a bit like a mad scientist. But Kaneki recognized his voice as the other man from the alley that night._ _

__The weapon in his hands was what Tsukiyama had spoken of before, one of those made from the kagune of killed ghouls - _murdered_ ghouls._ _

__“Which one of you is the Gourmet?” The man sounded impatient, but he looked hungrily at Kaneki’s kagune as it unfolded from his body._ _

__Kaneki looked down at Tsukiyama’s prone, bleeding body and saw red._ _


End file.
